Tuesday, 10 June 2008

• My 2nd Chance...

  Well, tonight is my first post. I just found out recently that there was a site like this out there that was associated with Christians. It shocked me completely. I guess because I feel like such a minority nowadays, being a Christian and all. Actually, I should probably fill you in on my story.

  I'm 23 years old and just graduated from College and moved back home with my Mom and younger sister. I was away at college for 5 years and was everything but a Christian. I made some really really poor choices, and I am very ashamed of them to this day. I knew what I was doing was wrong, but I didn't care at the time. Even though I would still get the pull to come back to God, I kept pushing away because I thought that what the world had to offer was better and more fun. Boy was I wrong!

  Needless to say, after 5 years of disobedience and sin, I've come back around and am now trying to make my life right with God and with those I love. It's not such an easy task though, I must say. Getting right with God was probably the easier of the two for me -- I knew exactly what I needed to do and I did it. God made that very clear in his Word that He will take you back if you repent of your sins and ask for forgiveness. He understands that we fall and will continue to fall. But if we are sincere and willing to try again, He will keep taking us back. I love that about Him. I know I will not go unpunished, and I've seen some of those repercussions already I think.

  However, my problems at hand lie with those around me who are not perfect like God, and who will not just "take me back just as I am." They have seen me when I was indulging completely in sin and disobedience, and now that I've done a complete 180 they don't know what to think. This concern is specifically related to my boyfriend of over a year. All he has known of me for the last year + has been this sinful, disregarding girl without a care in the world. And now, out of the blue it seems, I'm totally changing and he doesn't really understand why or why now.

  My boyfriend claims to be Christian, but I am not sure if that is true. He expresses no real desire to go to church, which right now is a big thing for me. I NEED to go to church so that I can be fed and hear the Word of God being preached so that I can stay on the right track throughout the week. It even feels like Sunday's are not even enough for me. I wish I could have a sermon from a Pastor every day 3x's a day! I can not even express how hard it is for me to make this life change and stick to it, day in and day out. And then with my boyfriend on top of it all not understanding and calling me names like "Bible Banger," I tend to get frustrated and even discouraged. I know that going to church doesn't make you a Christian, but I do think that the desire should be there if you are one. I think that is how I know that I still am a Christian, even after all the messes I've gotten in to in the past 5 years. I always still had the desire to come back, but I just fought it for a while.

  But there are other traits that my boyfriend has like cursing and using God's name in vain that he can do in the blink of an eye and not think twice about it. I did used to say O.M.G., but I never felt right about it. It would bother me when I would think about what I just said. Kyron, my boyfriend, can say G.D., J.C., O.M.G, and many others and it's only after I get upset with him (mainly about the first 2) that he tries to correct himself.

  I don't know. I guess my boyfriend is another issue in itself, but all that was said to just express my frustrations with the life I am choosing to live now. Which, I must say, feels so much more fulfilling than any of the other choices in the past 5 years that I've made. But man it is definitely the harder road, and much more challenging. But God never said it would be easy.

  I'm trying to get involved in a good church now that I'm back home and hopefully getting on the right track again. I used to go to this REALLY big church that is about 15 mins from my house, but I am not happy there. It is just too big, and they have very little activities for people my age to get involved with. I know - it's shocking with how big of a church they are! But, I started looking into this other Church and I fell in love with it the minute I walked in. I just had a peace about me, like this was the place I needed to be. However, another example of how hard this whole process is for me, I didn't go this past Sunday. Reason being - I was going to have to go alone, without my Mom or sister, and I was afraid. I know, it's really silly, and I regretted the decision afterwards. I'm still kicking myself for not going because maybe by me going alone and being vulnerable could have been a situation that God could have used to open a door. Who knows. I wish I would have gone. But I guess that's a lesson learned.

  I do have a lot to learn, but I am praying that God will bring some people into my life that can help me and encourage me along the way. I know I am not going to be perfect, but I am trying SO HARD to be better and to be an example for those who are like me 5 years ago. I know what it's like down that road, and it won't get you to happiness. Trust me, I've tried it.

  I'd like to end on a good note, and that is the fact that I am so thankful that I have a Christian Mother who is so supportive of me in every way possible. And while I was "straying" over the past 5 years, she was constantly praying for me and encouring me to do right. She has been so helpful these past 2 months that I've been home and has helped encourage me to keep going on the right track. I also have a wonderful older sister and best friend who is a great blessing and encouragement. I know I can talk to her or my Mom about anything and they won't judge me. That is nice to know because that is another one of my fears. God will take me back, but will other Christian's in the community?

  Anyways, if you are reading this blog, would you please say a prayer for me that I can stay on the right track and try to be an example to those who are not Christian so that my testimony can shine through? It's not a great one right now, but I'm building on it and hoping that I can really do some great things for God in the time that I have left here on earth.

  God bless and good night!

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• Hi everyone! I'm just getting started on Revelife... Drop me a comment if you've got some ideas on what to do first - or just to say, "Hi!" :-)

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